One Night in Bangkok....

Hey everyone!

So here it is, the city view of Bangkok from our 5 star hotel, The Berkeley, equipped with its own rooftop pool, gym, spa, and three restaurants for a mere $40 per night. The only view you would get for that money back home is an old buggers sweaty arse crack on the train to Glasgow and with that it you would still need to get a bus replacement service half way.

 

 

But here in Asia that kind of money means you are able to stay in luxury hotels with everything you need at your finger tips, yes I know this is not the backpack way of life and we were cheating slightly by staying here but after 3 days of traveling a good bed and a bath was truly needed. Also, my advice for anyone who is planning on visiting Bangkok on their travels, stay somewhere decent. Let’s just say at night, you couldn’t just nip to the shops for some munchies or take a stroll in the park. Bangkok is a pretty intimidating city, too busy, too smelly and too commercialised. Yes it has some amazing things to offer and if you had the money to stay somewhere amazing for a long period it would be a fun place to go but if you want to experience the real Thailand, I wouldn’t put this on top of your list.

One thing Bangkok had like any other place in Thailand is good food. Rustin and I have decided that in order to fully experience the culture of Asia we will not eat or drink any Westernised products. So with that in mind of course my first meal since arriving was none other than Pad Thai….

 

This meal reassured me that this challenge was going to be pretty dam easy. I basically feel that I am eating top of the ranch takeaways every meal. They even beat the 3n1 and Taj Mahal down Gourock! 
 

For us, we used Bangkok as the starting point of our trip. We flew into Bangkok, stayed one night then took the 12hour over night train to Chiang Mai. This cost us 1000 baht which is roughly $30 for a second class ticket. At first I was iffy and wanted to pay extra for a first class ticket as you get a private room however after experiencing it myself, second class is absolutely fine. You don’t feel worried about your belongings and the beds (made up from the chairs) are actually pretty dam comfy. It is a great way to travel and some of the views you see are beautiful. Just don’t get the seafood option for your dinner because it is absolutely bogging and you will be up all night thinking you are going to whitey at any given moment. 

After arriving in Chiang Mai we decided to get a taxi to our hostel. There were a flock of taxi men out front trying to persuade us to get in their taxi. I picked a wee cutie named Prapat who offered to be our tour guide while we stayed in Chiang Mai for a small price. This is a very common arrangement and I would recommend it (and Prapat if you can find him, so sad I didn't get a selfie) as everything worth seeing is a fair distance away. Prapat took us to the Aoi Garden Hostel which we paid $15 each for three nights. It was a great little place, very central, clean and always busy with fellow backpackers. 

Whilst in Chiang Mai we visited a number of temples, went on an elephant trek, bamboo rafting, visited the Tiger Kingdom and all the amazing night markets. We were even those ‘backpacking arseholes’ and bought some of those daft looking pants that look like you have ‘shat yersel’ according to my dad. I will tell you this but, they are the most comfortable item of clothing I have ever owned. Family & friends you now all know what you are getting for Christmas. You can thank me later.

Me being a wee 'gap yah' twat in my elephant pants! 

 

Globesquatting in the temple, as you do. 

We also went for a Thai massage, $6 for one full hour and you get an absolutely ridiculous outfit - which I was buzzing over. Luckily for me the women who was my masseuse was tiny because they literally stand all over you! I also never knew I was that flexible? It was quite painful but it felt so good. Reading this back it sounds like a porno, I swear it was just a regular massage. Not a 'special one'. Also if you have any strange birthmarks or moles, tell them prior. She tried to pull mine off thinking it was a bit of bloody chocolate. Okay it is hideous and looks a bit like a melted giant Cadbury chocolate button but Christ she was rough, (again not sexual).  

One thing I would say that you should probably give a miss in Chiang Mai is the Long Neck Hill Tribe visit. This was something I was so excited for but after going and seeing them watching a flat screen TV, drinking cans of coke and updating their status’s on Facebook on their smart phones, it is pretty clear that it is not legit and it really is a pile of nonsense. So aye,  save your 500 baht and avoid being the mug they hastag about on twitter later, #bunchofbawbagtourists #giveusyourcoinbruv #pureheavyowned.

 

However it does make for a good insta picture, #likesfordays 

Apart from that and the day I went to the mountain temple and was so hangover the only view I saw was the toilet bowl…..

 

 

Chiang Mai was an incredible place and I was sad to leave. It is remote enough to feel that you are experiencing the real Thailand but the variety of pubs and restaurants also allows you to meet fellow backpackers and have one too many Thai cocktails.

We now are starting our next journey to Laos our final destination being Luang  Prabang. A 7 hour mini bus followed by a two day slow boat trip. Canny bloody wait.

Oh I almost forgot the exciting bit, our Chiang Mai workouts!

Whilst we are away, Rustin and myself have created a '60 Day Shred Program'. All of the workouts last no longer than 45mins and require no equipment so no excuses! We are going to complete the program and then release it so if you are interested please let me know! For now here is an example of some of the stuff we have been doing.....

50 Burpees 
50 Push Ups
50 Jump Squats
50 Plyo Lunges
50 Leg Raises

Twice through and record your time. Give it a go and good luck!

Until next time!

Lads On Tour Are Coming Fur YOU!

So you have all heard of the movie terminal yeah? You know the one with Tom Hanks where he is literally stuck in an airport and can’t get out? Well I am pretty sure we were in just in the sequel.

Of course this would happen. Imagine, four young backpackers getting ready to start their journey, picturing the first celebratory drink in the airport, testing out their backpacks to make sure that they just break their lower backs and no more, getting excited for all the ‘unique’ and ‘personal’ treasures they will collect on their way – like string anklets, hair braids and a tattoo of the infinity sign that reads ‘Life Love Laugh’. Imagine the smiling faces of these individuals, only to be ruined by the fact they find out that their flight has been delayed meaning they will miss their connecting flight to their destination and the next one isn’t for another three days.

Yeah these poor souls were us and I can tell you that it was, to put it bluntly – an absolute kick in the balls.

We were literally about to step out the door to the airport when we found out that our flight was delayed by 7 hours (yes, 7 hours, like what the hell even is that? Did the pilots decide to stop half way for a pint and a packet of McCoys?) and before you could say ‘let’s think rationally’ me and Sam had gone all Scottish and were ready for a fight, Rustin had grabbed his didgeridoo and was keen to whack a bitch and Liam, well Liam was there being very British and was probably the one that was going to actually sort us out and not end up in jail. So with a strong team the ‘Lads on Tour Asia Squad’ decided to go to the airport regardless and demand that our many accents be heard and that justice was prevailed!

Marching up to the desk at JKF (buzzing for a square go) we were told that we couldn’t do anything about the connecting flight until we landed in the lay over airport, Stockholm. ‘Okay’ we said, just as well for them, they were save from my fists of fury…. for now.

After a 7 hour wait in the airport, a few beers, bloody marys and chicken wings (which were pretty good actually) we boarded our flight to Stockholm ready to rest for the next day – when we would fight for all humans that can only afford cheap airlines that nobody has ever heard of and probably require each individual passenger to give the plane a wee push to get it going. Yeah, we had our game faces on.

Arriving in Stockholm (after finding our luggage at a completely different part of the airport, good tactic, giving yourself time to prepare for the battle), we headed to the customer service desk, guns blazing, hearts pounding, fists clenched…..

Liam (all posh and British) - ‘Excuse me, our flight was delayed by 7 hours and we therefore missed our connecting flight to Bangkok, what are you going to do about it?’

Customer Service Wumen – ‘How about a free night’s stay in the airports 4 Star hotel, complimentary breakfast, lunch and dinner and use of all facilities and a change of flight for tomorrow with a 5 star airline’

Us – ‘Aye….I suppose that will have to do hen’

Absolutely bloody marvellous.

I mean look at this, LOOK AT THIS...

 

All for free. FREE! 

And yes that is a carrot. A bloody big Rodger Rabbit carrot for breaky!? Whit even!?

Okay so maybe I m getting a bit over excited but stuff like this never happens to me, usually my luck consists of making the bus to work on time. I even got to workout and take bother embarrassing picture of me globesquatter in. Sweedish gym! Superb! 

Anyway, now that all that excitement is over we hve finally arrived in Bangkok and have checked in to our five star hotel. Pictures nd. Workout to follow but at the moment I am away for a drink, some Thai Green Curry and a kip. 

To be continued....

Yes I have noticed a few errors in this, actually I may as well of written it blind folded but awk I am tired so you get what you're given, be grateful! 

'Let's All Workout At a Music Festival!' Said Nobody Ever.

Hey Everyone! 

For many of you, the summer is all about packing your tent, putting on your wellies and heading off to join in with fellow festival goers. Between all the acts you want to see, the alcohol, the dancing and the lack of sleep it is hard to find the time to bash out some burpees and exercise so I thought I would give you an idea on how to overcome this....

Don't do it. 

Really, don't. You will just look like at tit and kill the chilled and relaxed atmosphere by flaring your arms and legs about doing jumping jacks and high knees. 

Instead, work those jaw muscles by eating from all the junk food stalls, keep that liver on its toes by have a bit of a bevy and use the run to the front of the main stage as your cardio. forget about that six pack and instead, go grab a six pack of corona. That is my advice and this weekend I was able to do so whilst working at the Catskill Chill Fest, a music festival based at my camp in upstate New York. 

Check me, pretending to be all cool and shit. 

The Catskill Chill Fest  is basically, a huge hippe festival with, let's say....different music, unique stalls and eh, interesting people who are all very very happy - all the time. 

One of the things I loved about the festival was the food stalls. There were so many to choose from. Juice bars, vegetarian bars, doughnuts, kebab stalls, bakery's, a BBQ place that sold bacon sundaes (so upset I didn't try it). It was so strange seeing camp as something other than what it is. It didn't feel like we were in the same place we have been for 4 months. The whole atmosphere changed and being able to have a beer break or two during your shift was also bloody marvelous. 

For some, the Catskill Chill Fest would be a bit on the strange side but I thought it was pretty great. I was able to experience something I would never think to go to, be surrounded by people who are actually passionate about the music and I also learnt that I should stay away from 'edibles' because they send you a bit doo-la-lay and make you think everyone has a British accent. Life lesson right there. 

Chill Fam! 

If you have taken my advice and decided to just be a drunken, junk eating diddy for the weekend, come the end you will feel -to put it bluntly - like a big sack of jobby, so here is my 'Festival Flush' workout to help you feel human again along with the strict rule of no more Gyros and Bud. This is a health and fitness blog after all....

This workout is also a sample of the Globesquatter 60 Day Shred Program that is currently in progress! Watch this space as hopefully a weeks trial will be in place very soon! 

Until next time! 

'Cause You're Free To Do What You Want To Do!

The time had come. It was finally here. I finally left the grounds of camp and I was venturing into the world of the unknown. My quest? Well there were many. The first however was to eat a meal that didnt require me to eat with plastic cutlery; find the biggest bottle of wine, wait who am I kidding, the biggest bottle of vodka in the world and a bed that felt like the clouds that would surround the gates to heaven. 15 weeks of living in what felt like the set of Twilight it is safe to say we were all in dire need of some luxury. Well, whatever luxury we can get on a backpackers budget (Card board box under a bridge anyone?). 

I am so excited that I can now surround myself with different sights. Being able to have the freedom of getting up when I want to, eat when I want to, have a shower that lasts longer than 5 minutes with no wains talking to you whilst you are washing your pits and to actually feel like I am travelling. Hallelujah! 

First Stop New Jersey.....

We stayed with friends in New Jersey and of course I made them take me to where they film Housewives of New Jersey and bloody hell the houses were crazy. Like ridiculous. I mean, you could definitely do 50 cartwheels up and down the hall and there would 100% be a guy at the door named Jeeves handing you a hot towel and champers when you walked in. 

The next day we had a total change of scene and headed to Atlantic City, the location of the tv show 'Jersey Shore'. Lets just say it made Blackpool look like a luxury destination. It resembles a place that Rab C Nesbit and the crew would vacation to but luckily for me I love places like that. From the pensioners and their cowboy hats on the slot machines to the stalls that sold 99cent hot dogs (respect to the people tht would eat a peice of 'meat' that was selling for 99cent, we will see how that turns out for you) everything was so tacky but bloody brilliant at the same time! 

Me being a tit. 

NYC

Me being a tit again 

We then spent two nights in the city, chilled out, took a walk through Central Park did some yoga, had pub grub and got drunk off of two drinks, well I did because even the of smell alcohol gets me drunk. It was amazing to just relax and do nothing. You should of seen me when the man came to the door with robes at the hotel. I near enough pissed masel I was that excited! I was convinced they had me confused for a celebrity. Canny take the girl out if Inverclyde eh? 

Suburb Living....

After realising that we were poor and actually couldn't afford NYC life for the last three days we stayed with one of my campers family (or I like to call them my adopted American Family) in the suburbs. They have taken us out for some amazing food including sushi where we ate a boat load. No seriously we literally had a boat filled with sushi....

Aye that is a boat, A BOAT!!!!

And and and, I even got my hair done. Like in a proper hair salon, not over a bath tub wilst using an alarm clock as a timer. A guy named Andre who had more blusher than me pampered me and made me a 'wee spicy'. I asked him for a selfie but he was a bit shy (or thought I was mental) so I had to settle for one on my tod...

 Looking absolutely ravishing as always. 

I can't thank my American family enough for everything they have done for me over the past two years. I am going to miss them a crazy amount! I LOVE YOU MORRIS CLAN!

And now, it is finally time to say cheerio to the States. I am not sure when I will be back but I feel like the small town of Hancock NY has been a second home to me. This isn't a goodbye, it's a see you later because I will 100% be paying a visit again some day. 

However until then......

NEXT STOP BANGKOK BABY! 

Todaloo Mother....

Oh wait we are delayed by 48 hours and now have to stay in Stockholm. 

Shit. 

Heavy raging. 

IKEA meatballs for dinner anyone?