Yes I am still alive. I think my last blog post was about a month ago and the reason for this has been that I haven't felt that I have had much to write about. Our 10 day holiday in Kohn Samui was amazing but purely consisted of sleeping, eating, tanning and eating some more (and constantly asking Rustin to pass the wine). Not exciting enough to make this weeks top five discussion topics over Sunday dinner.
I have been in Australia for just over two weeks now and staying in an actual home has been both amazing and dangerous. I am not talking about the deathly snakes, spiders or neighbours that don't appreciate a game of Kings at silly o'clock in the morning. I am talking about this guy.....
The fridge. Look at him. Staring at me, whispering for me to come closer and have a look inside, being all seductive and sexy and telling me that he will love me no matter how big my double chin gets.
And I will admit it. I have been weak. Since I have been in Oz and been surrounded by food and shops that sell more than rice and sesame bars and a bed that doesn't have ants biting my bits I have become an absolute grubber and by my standards lazy. The phrase 'I will start eating better tomorrow' has been used one too many times (every third sentence) and the idea of eating everything bad so I can start fresh the next day has happened every night this week. I am currently typing this whilst eating a family block of dairy milk and starburst. I even had a bacon and nutella sannie for my dinner last night (don't knock it). I have still been working out but not as much or has hard as I usually do but I know the time has come to get my act together and admit my affair with the fridge (and the secret chocolate stash in my knickers drawer) has gone too far. I realised this after somebody pointed out a sticky stain on my jeans.... before you get too ahead of yourself it was caramel sauce.
I am guessing most if not all of you have been in this situation. Where you have started to lack motivation whether it be with your healthy eating, working out, your job or life in general. It happens and it has certainly happened to me on more than one occasion. I haven't even felt bad about falling away from the healthy eating, not pushing myself or missing a workout all together. In the past when I have made my way through the biscuit tin for the fourth time that week (day) I would go a little, lets say, crazy. I will let you all in to a secret....I used to be (and still can be at times) a binge eater. I would eat as much food as I could on a Sunday night every week until I felt sick, end up feeling ridiculously guilty and that Monday start a super strict 'healthy diet' that consisted of eating very little carbs, smaller meals and well, not very much at all. Did it make me feel any better? Did I miraculously feel super fit and healthy after surviving on carrots and a pea a day?
Did I fuck.
Sorry for the language but it seems appropriate. I think us as humans, especially women are too hard on ourselves about the way we look, I still need to tell myself now not to feel bad for eating 'bad' food and to just man up and take the 5th biscuit my Gran has offered me (why do all Grannies constantly want to feed you!?). Like many I have confidence issues with how I look but I feel that travelling has really helped me to ease up on the self criticism and become more grateful for what I have when there are so many that have next to nothing. I am now finally starting to love my squint eye and smaller left butt cheek and will now admit that I do have nice hands.
Basically, what I am trying to say is if you find yourself being lazy, unmotivated with chocolate covering your mouth before you start the self hatred, take a chill pill. Forgive your self and then be pro active and change it. Instead of greeting in to my tub of Ben and Jerrys I am smiling whilst devouring it. The reason? Because I now have a better plan to kick start my motivation that doesn't consist of eating like a rabbit...
I am going to eat a shit tonne of more food.... healthy food that is.
My boyfriend and I went a food shop this afternoon and stacked the trolley with loads of fresh fruits, veggies and lean proteins and I plan on eating as much as I want, when I want. I bought notepads to record my workouts, my goals, aims and how I am going to achieve them. I have realised over the years that eating healthy does not mean eating salads for every meal. It means eating foods from every food group, eating foods that will give you energy to bang out that last set of burpees or squats and not getting to down on yourself when you have moments of weakness. I love food. I love all food and I got fed up of depriving myself and well, being an absolute dafty.
I lost my motivation mojo for a few weeks but I know it is still there and ready to go. I am lucky enough to have a great boyfriend who also isn't afraid to wrestle the nutella out my hands and encourage me to keep pushing and look at things in a different perspective. I hope that I can maybe be that support system for you too and that you will join me on my quest of eating big, working out hard and living life to the full and that means the odd binge.
So lets all start the diet tomorrow together, no backing out, deal?
