First Time Bulker Thoughts......OI FATTIE!

Ah bulking. The term some of us may associate with an image of Arnold Schwarzenegger downing 12 raw eggs whilst doing leg curls and screaming 'I am the terminator, fear me!'. Or what we hear between a group of meat head blokes when we are being nosey arseholes in the gym. However, in the last few years, the bulking and shredding epidemic has grown bigger quads and it seems to be the norm in the fitness world for both men and women. The idea is to bulk during winter whilst lifting heavy weights and do little or no cardio to gain muscle (and most likely some extra cushion for the pushin) and then shred during the summer months by continuing to lift heavy but also cutting your calories and upping the cardio workouts to make those wash board abs pop and acheive arms that look like they have been blown up with a foot pump. 

I myself have never tried bulking or shredding. Although I have trained in the past with heavy weights, I am a cardio junkie. I love nothing more than doing a HITT workout, sprints or a spin class to work up a sweat and I love pushing myself when it comes to endurance training. I love cardio. I love weights. I love food. So I usually just do it all. I have undoubtly gotten fitter over the years and reduced my body fat but apart from a year or so ago when I lost a fair bit of weight due to stress and work load, I have remained around about the same weight and feel that I have came to a bit of a stand still with my fitness levels and physique. I have always been slim with a fast metabolism but I want to now challenege myself in a different way. I want to try and change my body and become stronger. I want to have Quadzilla legs and be able to do pull ups with my pinky finger (can anyone actually do this!?). I am obssesed with looking at women with incredible muscles and calves like knifes. I want to be them. I want to be able to train like them. Yes I could run my way out of a Zombie apocalypse but when if if came down to being strong and fighting them off I would be screwed (I am not saying that my fear of a zombie apocalypse is the reason I am doing this...there are others too). So after much thought and deliberation I decided to give this bulking malarky a go. 

Ayep. You read it here folks. That means little cardio, heavy weights and ALOT of food. 

Sounds like heaven right? Being able to eat the world and not feel guilty, have an extra hour in bed by skipping that 10k morning run, absolute bliss. 

Wrong.

I cannot believe I, Natalie Morgan, Queen of The Binges am saying this but bulking is....well, it is bloody hard. Really hard. I literally feel that I have to force myself to eat and that I am eating constantly when I really don't want to. I am contemplating getting my hands tied behind my back and letting someone feed me through a funnel (not meaning to be sexual I swear...). Working in a busy cafe doesn't help either as I have to double up my food and shove it down my gub on my ten minute break only to burn it all of again running after people who are on their 5th half shot non fat extra skinny caramel blessed by the Pope latte. I am struggling with not being able to do any cardio and feel like I am turning in to the lassie version of Fat Bastard. 

Okay so I have only put on 3kg in a little over two months but bulking affects you mentally especially if you are a first timer. I have been pushing myself with my weight training and I am getting stronger each week but when you feel that you are putting lots of effort in and the results are an arse that resembles styrofoam packaging rather than one you could rest a pint on is a swift kick to the goonies. 

An actual close up of my arse cheek. 

Girls are crazy. I am crazy. I know I am not big. My clothes that still fit me and the scales tell me other wise but not being able to train like I used to and eat like I used to (which I thought was a lot but compared to now, I was mistaken) does make you a bit (very) paranoid. 

I am determined to do this though. I know this is just a stage and that it doesn't happen over night but in stages (as my boyfriend keeps reassuring me everytime I cry when I feel my thighs chafing) and that as a first time bulker it is natural to feel like this. I can feel myself getting stronger and after each workout I feel great, I feel pumped, I feel sweaty and energised. I just can't yet seem to get ride of the urge to go a run afterwards. 

My New Years resolution (well one, like other crazy females I have many) is to stick to my programm and keep shoving food down my gub for as long as it takes. I want to challenge myself and see something through until the end (usually I get distracted by something shiney). 

So I guess all I can say is cheers to the festive season where I will be welcoming all the chocolate and pigs in blankets that I can get my hands on and nobody try and stop me! 

Scotland Vs Australia - Sun, Beer and Bikini Lines...

Hello everyone!

I have been in Australia for 5 weeks now and I am finally starting to get into a routine. I have managed to get a job as a waitress (looking to be my life long career at this rate) and I can comfortably walk to the shop up the road on my own now without some how getting lost (or caught in amongst somebodies garden bush). I feel now that I have had time to settle I can share with you  my Scotland vs Australia pros and cons list (thus far) which continues to grows on a daily basis.

Let me start with why I feel Australia is better than Scotland....

1. The weather - This is an obvious reason that doesn't need much discussion. Basically the Scottish climate is absolutely shite. End of point one.

2. The beer - So far I have not had one Aussie beer that I dislike and there is actually a good choice. A choice other than bloody Tenants.

3. The wages - basically I get paid $20 to cut somebody a slice of coffee cake. Three slices away until I make Forbes magazines rich list.

4. My accent makes me cool as f**k - back home having a Scottish accent, especially a Greenock accent should make you consider becoming a mute. Over here it is seen as 'enchanting' and if you find yourself in an awkward or life threatening situation, just shout 'freedom!' and everyone will back off.

5. Motivation to not get festively plump - well you can hardly hide your six selection box tummy pouch under a Christmas jumper in 35 degree heat can you? Lunges with the shopping bags it is...

6. BBQs every second day - BURGERS FOR THE BOYS!

7. You can go on a night out in flats, jeans and a singlet - I hate getting ready for a night out, I hate doing my hair, I hate wearing a shit tonne of make up dammit I hate washing my hair. Stick me in a pub with my junkie bun and I am one happy wumen. The Aussies are so chilled that the attire for most occasions is flip flops and a shell necklace.

 

And now why I feel Scotland is better than Australia...

1. The weather - yes this contradicts my first point but sometimes hearing the rain pelting doon on the roof is quite therapeutic and having an excuse to write a day off and get back in your kip because of the snow is pretty sweet.

2. You don't have to shave as much - the bad weather calls for granny pants, trousers and woolly tights. You could basically have something resembling the bushes in the outback down there and nobody would even know. Lazy girls rejoice!

3. Hangover grub - because nobody does a fry up quite like the Scots and nothing compares to a cold Irn Bru. Nothing.

4. You can walk pretty much anywhere - unlike Australia where walking any where apart from the fridge requires a ruck sack full of supplies to last you a week.

5. Motivation to GET festively plump - well as previously said, in Australia you can hardly hide your six selection box tummy pouch under a Christmas jumper in 35 degree heat can you? When in Scotland it is perfectly acceptable to eat your weight in cheese and biscuits whilst watching the Coronation Street Christmas special. Now that is living. 

6. Scotland is probably one of the safest places on earth - you can go to the toilet, sit on the pan and not worry about a deadly spider biting your arse or a raging kangaroo kicking the door in because you have been in for too long.

7. Nights out - yes you can wear your pyjamas out and not get taken away by the men in white coats but the reason it has taken me so long to earn my spot in Forbes magazine is because the cost of a drink is day light robbery, meaning I have been robbed at least 50 times since being here. Currently attending victim support meetings.

So there you have it, my list (so far) of the pros and cons of both Australia and Scotland. A list that is most likely to expand the longer I stay. Now I am off to listen to Flower of Scotland on repeat whilst dancing around in my cork hat.

Hoo-roo!

I'll Start The Diet Tomorrow....

Hello Everyone!

Yes I am still alive. I think my last blog post was about a month ago and the reason for this has been that I haven't felt that I have had much to write about. Our 10 day holiday in Kohn Samui was amazing but purely consisted of sleeping, eating, tanning and eating some more (and constantly asking Rustin to pass the wine). Not exciting enough to make this weeks top five discussion topics over Sunday dinner.

I have been in Australia for just over two weeks now and staying in an actual home has been both amazing and dangerous. I am not talking about the deathly snakes, spiders or neighbours that don't appreciate a game of Kings at silly o'clock in the morning. I am talking about this guy.....

The fridge. Look at him. Staring at me, whispering for me to come closer and have a look inside, being all seductive and sexy and telling me that he will love me no matter how big my double chin gets.

And I will admit it. I have been weak. Since I have been in Oz and been surrounded by food and shops that sell more than rice and sesame bars and a bed that doesn't have ants biting my bits I have become an absolute grubber and by my standards lazy. The phrase 'I will start eating better tomorrow' has been used one too many times (every third sentence) and the idea of eating everything bad so I can start fresh the next day has happened every night this week. I am currently typing this whilst eating a family block of dairy milk and starburst. I even had a bacon and nutella sannie for my dinner last night (don't knock it). I have still been working out but not as much or has hard as I usually do but I know the time has come to get my act together and admit my affair with the fridge (and the secret chocolate stash in my knickers drawer) has gone too far. I realised this after somebody pointed out a sticky stain on my jeans.... before you get too ahead of yourself it was caramel sauce.

I am guessing most if not all of you have been in this situation. Where you have started to lack motivation whether it be with your healthy eating, working out, your job or life in general. It happens and it has certainly happened to me on more than one occasion. I haven't even felt bad about falling away from the healthy eating, not pushing myself or missing a workout all together. In the past when I have made my way through the biscuit tin for the fourth time that week (day) I would go a little, lets say, crazy. I will let you all in to a secret....I used to be (and still can be at times) a binge eater. I would eat as much food as I could on a Sunday night every week until I felt sick, end up feeling ridiculously guilty and that Monday start a super strict 'healthy diet' that consisted of eating very little carbs, smaller meals and well, not very much at all. Did it make me feel any better? Did I miraculously feel super fit and healthy after surviving on carrots and a pea a day?

Did I fuck.

Sorry for the language but it seems appropriate. I think us as humans, especially women are too hard on ourselves about the way we look, I still need to tell myself now not to feel bad for eating 'bad' food and to just man up and take the 5th biscuit my Gran has offered me (why do all Grannies constantly want to feed you!?).  Like many I have confidence issues with how I look but I feel that travelling has really helped me to ease up on the self criticism and become more grateful for what I have when there are so many that have next to nothing. I am now finally starting to love my squint eye and smaller left butt cheek and will now admit that I do have nice hands.

Basically, what I am trying to say is if you find yourself being lazy, unmotivated with chocolate covering your mouth before you start the self hatred, take a chill pill. Forgive your self and then be pro active and change it. Instead of greeting in to my tub of Ben and Jerrys I am smiling whilst devouring it. The reason? Because I now have a better plan to kick start my motivation that doesn't consist of eating like a rabbit...

I am going to eat a shit tonne of more food.... healthy food that is.

My boyfriend and I went a food shop this afternoon and stacked the trolley with loads of fresh fruits, veggies and lean proteins and I plan on eating as much as I want, when I want. I bought notepads to record my workouts, my goals, aims and how I am going to achieve them. I have realised over the years that eating healthy does not mean eating salads for every meal. It means eating foods from every food group, eating foods that will give you energy to bang out that last set of burpees or squats and not getting to down on yourself when you have moments of weakness. I love food. I love all food and I got fed up of depriving myself and well, being an absolute dafty.

I lost my motivation mojo for a few weeks but I know it is still there and ready to go. I am lucky enough to have a great boyfriend who also isn't afraid to wrestle the nutella out my hands and encourage me to keep pushing and look at things in a different perspective. I hope that I can maybe be that support system for you too and that you will join me on my quest of eating big, working out hard and living life to the full and that means the odd binge.

So lets all start the diet tomorrow together, no backing out, deal?

Cambodia...

Hello everyone! 

I am currently lying in bed in my hotel room in Bangkok, back where We started our South East Asia adventure. We arrived today from Cambodia and I honestly cannot believe how quickly it has gone. Our short but incredible tour is coming to an end and I still can't play the ukelele nor do I have a hair braid. My priorities have well and truely slipped. 

We arrived yesterday after jumping in a taxi with a driver who kept falling asleep at the wheel and started repeatedly punching himself in the head to stay awake. I was preparing myself to sing the Proclaimers at the top of my lungs just to keep him awake. Transportation in Asia never fails to dissapoint. After checking in we went to the gym in the hotel and used actual weights for the first time in 6 weeks (cannot move my arms, my morning ritual of the Hokey Cokey is out), got fried chicken from the street market (gave us the shits), cheated on our no Westernised food rule and bought magnums (no guilt was felt), and locked ourself in our room away from the madness that is Bangkok. I don't know why but the city just doesn't appeal to me. It's too loud even for Natalie Fog Horn Morgan.

We fly out to Koh Samui today where we will be staying in a luxury resort for 10 days before flying to my new home for a year, Australia. I honestly can't wait. We have been taking about this holiday since booking it in March and even though travelling has been amazing, we can't wait to be in the same place for longer than a few days. I might even unpack all my clothes and colour co-ordinate them in the closet and pretend I actually live there, (I am 100% going to do this).

However, I still need to tell you all about our time in Cambodia. We only visited two places as we only had 5 days, Phnom Penh and Siem Reap. 5 days however was enough to make a huge impact and our stay here can only be described as an emotinal rollarcoaster....

Phnom Penh

Our first stop in Cambodia was to the capital, Phnom Penh and the bus journey there was well, pretty shit. The reason being that half of the bus was filled with everything bar the kitchen sink. What I mean by this was that once all the passengers were on the bus, the crew began to load the remaining seats with a stupid amount of poles, bags, boxes, dogs, cats, small children etc as well as about 20 tin containers full of petrol. One of these tins leaked everywhere and I spent the whole 8 hour journey thinking I was going to die in an oscar worthy explosion. Again I was so relieved to make it to the hotel in one piece...

Not too shabby for £2.80 a night eh? 

We had been told that there wasn't much to see in Phnom Penh so we weren't expecting much but I don't think this could be further from the truth. Infact, staying in this city was by far the most fascinating experience of my life. 

We booked a tuk tuk to take us to the Killing Fields of the Choeung Ek prison that were used during the Khmer Rouge communist party reign. I had a rough idea of what the Killing Fields were but what I discovered literally blew me away and will forever stay with me. 

I don't want to say too much about the audio tour because I feel that in order to truely understand the extent it is something you need to experience your self but basically, the Choeung Ek Killing Fields were one of three hundred killing fields based throughout Cambodia and they were used to store the bodies of the executed victims during the Khmer Rouge genocide between 1975 and 1979. Less than 40 years ago. 

Absolutely heart breaking. 

I had shivers the whole time and I am still struggling to comprehend. We visited the Genocide Museum after and the whole day was sobering. I would encourage everyone to research this part of history for themselves because if I was to tell you the facts and figures, I don't think you would believe me. 

If you are ever in Cambodia, make time for this. I can't emphasise it enough. It was just, wow. 

Siem Reap

The second place we visited was Siem Reap. Whilst there we visited the Angkor Watt Temple and it was breathe taking. And the fact it was used in the Lara Croft movie made it ten times cooler. Well that plus the load of monkeys that just casually stroll past you every so often...

It is bloody huge! We spent about two and a half hours walking around, discovering new areas and finding hundreds of good hidding spots. Why you ask? Because it would be the absolute best place in the world for a game of man hunt....duh!? If that isn't  your first thought process when you see it then you are officially boring and no fun. 

The admission price for one day to Angkor Watt is $20 so it is pretty steep but I would say it is worth going to. I have seen my fair share of temples since being in Asia but this is completely different from all the others. You can go and watch the sunrise and sunset over the temple too. The wheather was horrible when we went and too cloudy but I reckon it would worth getting up at 5am for. 

Oh and we also had some traditional Cambodian breakfast, BBQ pork and rice! 

Rice has officially taken over my life. Who would of known that a grain could have so much impact? 

Again I am gutted we couldn't of spent more time in Cambodia. The people were so welcoming and helpful and it would of been great to see more of it. The local Angkor beer also wasn't too bad at 50 Cent a pint! 

Now to demolish the hotel breakfast buffet before our flight. Keep following my Instagram account for daily workouts! I won't be blogging whilst I am away (will be too busy sunning myself, drinking Bloody Mary's and in a state of shock after watching a Ping Pong Show) but I am going to still keep working out and I hope you all will join in! 

Good Morning Vietnam!

Shameless Selfie Stick Snap! 

Okay, I'll admit it. Prior to going to Vietnam I really didn't know much about the country, in fact nothing at all. I was really just going because the boys were keen. It had never been a place I had ever imagined going to, however after spending two weeks here I can now safely say I think it is absolutely incredible and I hope this won't be my last visit.

After our long 30hr bus journey from Luang Prabang to Hanoi, we were so happy to get in to the hostel we had booked. Even if it was very basic with the shower literally over the toilet (no seriously you could shit, shower and shave all at once if you really wanted too...and I did). Stepping outside my first thoughts on Hanoi were that it was mental. Everytime you tried to cross the street you felt as if you were in the final round of Total Wipeout. There were scooters and cars everywhere coming and going in all directions, even on the pavements. We learnt that the best thing to do was to find a local family that were crossing, pretend to be the long lost milk mans wins and you would maybe stand a chance of survival. 

There isn't a huge deal to do in Hanoi. When we were there the city was hosting a Dragon Festival which was pretty cool. There were large colourful fabric dragons being paraded all around the street so that was exciting and a good laugh to dance along side to like a dickhead and there are also number of war museums that are interesting and worth a visit but that is really it. Oh, we did go to this water puppet show, famous throughout Vietnam that was all in Vietnamese so we didn't have a scooby what was going on but I am pretty sure the story was about this poor lad who couldn't catch a fish and then a bit of soft porn between two water dragons? Very moving. 

Even though there isn't much to see in Hanoi in terms of site seeing, I did recieve the best meal I have ever had there, at the night market for less than $2. It was in a 'restaurant' that didn't even have a name never mind a proper kitchen but maybe five or so large out door grills with 10-15 men frying and chucking pans around like crazy. We sat down on plastic seats and were served crispy noodles with beef....

Yes so it sort of looks like the food you used to make in cooking at school and feed to the birds on the walk home but honestly it was unreal. Like that good that you start making sex noises after every mouthful? And everything goes blurry and it's just you and the plate of food? Yeah, that good. 

Even though the craziness of Hanoi might not be to everyone's taste, I really liked it. It also serves the best local beer, another reason why I loved it.

Halong Bay

Ahhh Halong Bay, one if the reasons why I fell in love with Vietnam. This is an absolute must if you ever vist. We booked a 1 night/2 day cruise through our hotel for $100 per person and it was worth every penny. All your food is included, kayaking, swimming, cave tour, a visit to the pearl farm and you even got a karaoke party at night. I sang Sk8r Boi and I don't mean to blow my own trumpet but I think my head banging and air guitar impressed the other passengers - so much so that they avoided eye contact with me the next morning, probably because they were still in shock at the emotion and passion of the performance. Yeah that was definitely why...

The views from the cruise were absolutely amazing and kayaking was the best way to really see Halong Bay. I have never kayaked before and I only nearly cried twice when the current got strong so I am pretty much a professional now. Another thing to add to my CV along with Karaoke champ. 

The only thing about the Halong Bay excursion that I think could be improved on is the cave tour. I understand that it is a popular destination for tourists and things have had to be altered slightly but when you see actual plugs and sockets growing out of the rocks and a bins in the shape of boulders it sort of ruins your 'Indian Jones for a Day' fantasy.

Other than that, this was the highlight of my trip so far....

Hue, Hoi An & Da Nang

On our way to Hoi Chi Minh we decided to make a few stops on the way. We only had a couple of days in each place but it was great to see more remote areas like Hue and Hoi An. We visited the Imperial City in Hue, rode bikes in Hoi An (such a beautiful town, a must!), tasted our first Vietnamese coffee (addicted) and in the city of Da Nang we took scooters up to the Marble Mountains and Lady Buddha statue which had incredible views of the city, (okay so we rode on the back of our tour guides scooters after both myself and Rustin nearly drove the dam things in to walls on the practice run).

Globesquatting at the top of the Marble Mountains in Da Nang!

Hoi Chi Minh

The capital city is again constantly buzzing. Honestly there are just people forever sitting around on plastic chairs eating rice and noodles. The first thing we were told about Hoi Chi Minh when we arrived was that it was notorious for bag snatchers on mopeds. I have  been wanting to test out my self defence skills I learnt off the Miss Congeneality movie for years now anyway so I saw it as an opportunity more than a 'shitting my knickers' moment. 

However, much to my disappointment it was absolutely fine. If you're sensible and have a bum bag (ha to all you that bullied me for having one) there is no stress. 

In Hoi Chi Minh we visited the Cu Chi War Tunnels and it was pretty damn interesting. We got to go down in to the tunnels and crawl through them aswell as being able to shoot a M30 machine gun.... again, shat masel.

So yeah everyone should watch out now or I will 'bust a cap in yo ass', thats if I am not dead after somebody punching me in the head repeatedly for saying that. 

Overall Vietnam was awesome. There is so much history and so many things to do and see and my only regret is not having longer...and maybe for not explaining to the husband of that family  that we weren't actually the long lost kids of the milk man, would of probably avoided that street brawl. 

Now for Cambodia......

P.S - Oh and before I forget, here is an upper body workout for you all to try. Complete 50 reps of each exercise before moving on to the next and yet again.....

No equipment means NO EXCUSES! 

Enjoy! 

 

My Take On The Journey From Hell....

Finally arriving in Hanoi (two days later than expected) I have showered, ate and slept and I am finally ready to tell my story of our 'hellish' 28 hour trip from Lang Prabang to Hanoi.

I had read so many blogs on the bus trip from Luang Prabang to Hanoi, including the one by the poor lad who had to settle for a plastic garden chair in the aisle as there wasn't enough seats and the one where the tourists were made to get off the bus and walk 2km in the passing rain to the boarder while the locals got driven on the bus. By reading all of these, I now feel that it did help mentally prepare me for the journey. Equipped with water, food and diazepam I felt ready to take on the challenge. At the station we had our visa dates checked in order to get our tickets. This was the reason we were not allowed to board the bus a couple of days previously as Rustins visa had the wrong date. This had happened to a few people we were speaking to so just make sure before hand that you don't try and go earlier than your visa states as they will not let you in. For us it just meant two extra days by the pool in Luang Prabang which was fine with me! 

As I was about to step on the bus my game face was on, however it would seem that expecting the worse was actually the best thing I could have done. Before me were two levels of reclining chairs that went right back so they pretty much made a bed, air con, places to put your bags and even some mad disco lights around the ceiling. So far, so good.

We started up our tablet, watching Batman, eating snack and lounging on the reclining seats/beds with the blankets that they provided us with. At this point I couldn't see why people had been so dramatic? Yes there wasn't a toilet but besides that it was pretty cosy....and then the bus started moving. 

 

Happy as Always.

For the first 4 hours you are literally going up what feels ike a heltor skeltor so if you suffer from travel sickness like my self it is pretty horrific so come prepared with travel pills or bands. The twists and turns also, for me made it pretty much impossible to sleep. I promised my self that I wouldn't take the diazepam until I was desperate so after counting what must havd been 1000 odd sheep I finally dozed off. Having one of my malaria tablet induced dreams (weird as f**k for those that don't know) I was quite content - until I was woken by (sorry I am not usually one for name calling but she was an arse) a pretty large Vietnamese women telling me to move from my seat so she could sit there!? I had been told that all the tourists get made to sit up the back of the bus which I accepted but I didn't pay $50 to be woken by an absolute beast. Tired and confused I got up and moved. This was one of a few random stops the bus made. Not many people got on but the drivers would get off and stand outside for a good 20 minutes everytime and it would be in the middle of  no where. I got up once to do a wee which you need to do on the side of the road as they don't stop at public toilets. I am not arsed about peeing out doors, heck I pissed myself the other week, the only thing I was worried about was that the bus was going to drive off without me as they just kept shouting at me whilst I was squatting.

Oh and the bus also got stuck in mud at around 3.30am, twice, and the crew plus some passengers had to get off to push it. Honestly was looking around for Ashton Kutcher at this point thinking we must of been on Punk'd.

We arrived at the Vietnam boarder at 7am and it was a pretty easy procedure but took an absolute age as there were quite a lot of people to get through. Once back on the bus we started the next half of our journey, again making random stops at the side of the road with the crew telling us to get off for no reason other than to stand outside and stare at each other. We literally had no idea what was going on. Like, picture the Glasgow Buchanan Bus Station and the sights you see there then imagine a bus stop ten times worse than that. Yeah, mind boggling. 

The final stop the bus made was about 2 hours outside the city of Hanoi where we were told to get off and get on to another bus, this one more like a public transport everyday minivan. Again we had no idea why this was as the bus we were on bloody drove beside us near enough the whole way anyway. Then, half an hour in to this journey, the bus stopped, again, with all the crew getting off to sit in a restaurant for dinner whilst all us spare tits stayed on board. By this point I couldn't help but laugh. You honestly couldn't write this shit ha! 

So after the crew had finished their mothers meeting, they got back on the bus, but not before inviting the whole dam restaurant on board. Literally. The bus was packed to begin with but oh no, extra seats came out of the ground, walls the flipping roof and they all just stood their shouting at each other in Vietnamese as to where to sit. I was ready with my phone to capture some happy slapping. 

Once we got in to Hanoi we were swarmed by taxi men. Some on scooters some on cars all offering to take us to our hostel. Another warning is that they try and charge you $5 a person for a lift so bargin with them to get it cheaper. Our taxi driver drove around for about 30 miniutes trying to find our hostel after saying he knew where it was (typical) but we eventually arrived at the Lucky Guesthouse where we would be staying for two nights. Thank Christ. 

 

Absolutely Wrecked.

All in the trip was long and tiring and I don't think I have smelt so humming in my whole life but I wouldn't go as far to say it was the journey from hell. If anything it ws just more bizzare? The whole time we didn't have a Scooby as to what was happening and it was a bit like musical chairs sometimes but it wasn't as bad as people made out. It was an experience I will never forget and as long as you go not expecting much and have a sense of humour about it all it's fine. 

What I did not have a sense of humour about however was that for dinner that night I ate chicken 'gizzards' thinking it was just bits of grilled chicken only to realise it was actually chicken intestines. And what really gets me is that fact that I thought it tasted bloody marvellous. 

In order to rid myself of the gizzards myself and Rust worked out in our hotel room. We had little space but like I say, no excuses there is always room for a workout!

As many rounds as you can in 25 minutes, gee it a bash. Mind that lamp but...

 

Next stop Hanoi and Ha Long Bay! 

Lazy in Laos...

Ah Luang Prabang. A picturesue village in Laos right on the Mekong river. If you  want to visit somewhere chilled and relaxing, this is the place.

Our journey to Laos started with a 7 hour mini bus trip from Chiang Mai to Chang Kong, the border between Thailand and Laos. From there we paid for a visa ($35 us or 1400 baht, try and save dollars for this as it works out cheaper) and once we had crossed the boarder we got a tuk tuk from their to the village of Houei Xai where we stayed in a hostel for one night. Houei is very small and again quite an intimidating place but for one night it was okay. It was really just for a bed and a decent nights sleep before we set off for Luang Prabang the following morning. I woke up with about 30 flies on my bed and a few lizards on the roof. Didn't even scream like a wee lassie. 

In order to get to Luang Prabang we chose the slow boat option. This involves two days of sailing down the Mekong river with an over night stay in Pak Beng, (beware Pak Beng is only one street where the power gets shut off at 10pm, there is away places to stay for very cheap and you can book before you get there or just rock up. Pretty sure the area is ran by the mafia but due to the fact of how many times we were asked if we wanted some wacky backy and 'magic shakes'). Both days on the boat lasted between 6-8 hours and were pleasent enough. The boat is basically a wooden log with a roof and there is probably a high change it could just shit itself and collapse at any given moment. The seats are old car seats and it is pretty crammed but what isn't in Asia? I also grew up with a people career so I was prepared. 

The  views you see whilst making your way along the Mekong are incredible and for $30 it isn't too bad. I would say that the second day feels about ten times longer and it starts to lose its excitment but it is a true backpacker experience. It also wouldn't be a true backpacker experience if there wasn't a bit of conning going on. Be warned that they don't actually drop you off in Luang Prabang but 7km outside which means, you guessed it another tuk tuk. It is only an extra few quid but this seems to happen a lot. You are told one thing and then given another. Pain in the baws when the extra smash could probably by you a full meal out here. 

Once we arrived in Luang Prabang we got the tuk tuk to our Hostel, the Kounsavan Guest House which I would definitely recommend. It is right in the centre, free breakfast, clean beds, nice grounds and showers and FREE TEA AND COFFEE ALL DAY! Fantastic! It is also a great hostel to meet fellow backpackers. For a 4 dorm private room it was $6 each per night. Okay so yeah it was a bit small and you couldn't exactly practice your Macarena routine but it did the job.

On the first day we got a mini bus to the Kuang Si waterfall. It was an inexpensive trip and I would encourage anyone visiting Luang Prbang to go. It is so beautiful and if you hike to the top you can actually walk up the waterfall itself. Perfect for a chilled afternoon.

The next day we went to an outdoor pool and bar, again this was such a nice way to recharge and just relax with a few beers. 

At night we visited the Utioipa bar which is very popular with backpackers. It is full of loungers and cushions with a decking over looking the Mekong. Again it has such a relaxing vibe and we found ourselfs sitting for hours chatting and just enjoying the scenery and downing large Beer Lao's for $1 each. 

The best place to eat in Luang Prabang is 100% the night markets. There are vegetarian all you can eat buffets for 15,000 kip (2 bucks) and you can get fresh BBQ chicken, duck, pork, sausage and fish for crazy cheap prices. It is always nice too see the locals eating with you too as you then know it is true Lao food. 

 

Overall I loved Laos. If I had the time I would of tried to visit other villages and cities but sadly we had to start our trek to Vietnam. 

Opted for the cheapest option (obviously) a 25-30hour bus journey (also known as The Journey From Hell by many) with no toilet and only two pit stops.

Hopefully I will be able to let you all know that I have survived, until then, pray for me? 

One Night in Bangkok....

Hey everyone!

So here it is, the city view of Bangkok from our 5 star hotel, The Berkeley, equipped with its own rooftop pool, gym, spa, and three restaurants for a mere $40 per night. The only view you would get for that money back home is an old buggers sweaty arse crack on the train to Glasgow and with that it you would still need to get a bus replacement service half way.

 

 

But here in Asia that kind of money means you are able to stay in luxury hotels with everything you need at your finger tips, yes I know this is not the backpack way of life and we were cheating slightly by staying here but after 3 days of traveling a good bed and a bath was truly needed. Also, my advice for anyone who is planning on visiting Bangkok on their travels, stay somewhere decent. Let’s just say at night, you couldn’t just nip to the shops for some munchies or take a stroll in the park. Bangkok is a pretty intimidating city, too busy, too smelly and too commercialised. Yes it has some amazing things to offer and if you had the money to stay somewhere amazing for a long period it would be a fun place to go but if you want to experience the real Thailand, I wouldn’t put this on top of your list.

One thing Bangkok had like any other place in Thailand is good food. Rustin and I have decided that in order to fully experience the culture of Asia we will not eat or drink any Westernised products. So with that in mind of course my first meal since arriving was none other than Pad Thai….

 

This meal reassured me that this challenge was going to be pretty dam easy. I basically feel that I am eating top of the ranch takeaways every meal. They even beat the 3n1 and Taj Mahal down Gourock! 
 

For us, we used Bangkok as the starting point of our trip. We flew into Bangkok, stayed one night then took the 12hour over night train to Chiang Mai. This cost us 1000 baht which is roughly $30 for a second class ticket. At first I was iffy and wanted to pay extra for a first class ticket as you get a private room however after experiencing it myself, second class is absolutely fine. You don’t feel worried about your belongings and the beds (made up from the chairs) are actually pretty dam comfy. It is a great way to travel and some of the views you see are beautiful. Just don’t get the seafood option for your dinner because it is absolutely bogging and you will be up all night thinking you are going to whitey at any given moment. 

After arriving in Chiang Mai we decided to get a taxi to our hostel. There were a flock of taxi men out front trying to persuade us to get in their taxi. I picked a wee cutie named Prapat who offered to be our tour guide while we stayed in Chiang Mai for a small price. This is a very common arrangement and I would recommend it (and Prapat if you can find him, so sad I didn't get a selfie) as everything worth seeing is a fair distance away. Prapat took us to the Aoi Garden Hostel which we paid $15 each for three nights. It was a great little place, very central, clean and always busy with fellow backpackers. 

Whilst in Chiang Mai we visited a number of temples, went on an elephant trek, bamboo rafting, visited the Tiger Kingdom and all the amazing night markets. We were even those ‘backpacking arseholes’ and bought some of those daft looking pants that look like you have ‘shat yersel’ according to my dad. I will tell you this but, they are the most comfortable item of clothing I have ever owned. Family & friends you now all know what you are getting for Christmas. You can thank me later.

Me being a wee 'gap yah' twat in my elephant pants! 

 

Globesquatting in the temple, as you do. 

We also went for a Thai massage, $6 for one full hour and you get an absolutely ridiculous outfit - which I was buzzing over. Luckily for me the women who was my masseuse was tiny because they literally stand all over you! I also never knew I was that flexible? It was quite painful but it felt so good. Reading this back it sounds like a porno, I swear it was just a regular massage. Not a 'special one'. Also if you have any strange birthmarks or moles, tell them prior. She tried to pull mine off thinking it was a bit of bloody chocolate. Okay it is hideous and looks a bit like a melted giant Cadbury chocolate button but Christ she was rough, (again not sexual).  

One thing I would say that you should probably give a miss in Chiang Mai is the Long Neck Hill Tribe visit. This was something I was so excited for but after going and seeing them watching a flat screen TV, drinking cans of coke and updating their status’s on Facebook on their smart phones, it is pretty clear that it is not legit and it really is a pile of nonsense. So aye,  save your 500 baht and avoid being the mug they hastag about on twitter later, #bunchofbawbagtourists #giveusyourcoinbruv #pureheavyowned.

 

However it does make for a good insta picture, #likesfordays 

Apart from that and the day I went to the mountain temple and was so hangover the only view I saw was the toilet bowl…..

 

 

Chiang Mai was an incredible place and I was sad to leave. It is remote enough to feel that you are experiencing the real Thailand but the variety of pubs and restaurants also allows you to meet fellow backpackers and have one too many Thai cocktails.

We now are starting our next journey to Laos our final destination being Luang  Prabang. A 7 hour mini bus followed by a two day slow boat trip. Canny bloody wait.

Oh I almost forgot the exciting bit, our Chiang Mai workouts!

Whilst we are away, Rustin and myself have created a '60 Day Shred Program'. All of the workouts last no longer than 45mins and require no equipment so no excuses! We are going to complete the program and then release it so if you are interested please let me know! For now here is an example of some of the stuff we have been doing.....

50 Burpees 
50 Push Ups
50 Jump Squats
50 Plyo Lunges
50 Leg Raises

Twice through and record your time. Give it a go and good luck!

Until next time!