Free Bar, Sexy Dancing Plus a Kebab Means One Thing... THE FEAR!

So I am here to talk to you all about the taboo subject of having 'the fear' after a big night out. For those that don't know what 'the fear' is, it is basically the horrendous feeling when you can't remember much from the night before and you have woken up in the dogs bed, spooning a half eating kebab with a traffic cone on your head.

Aye, those kind of nights.

Most of us have been subject to these and the next morning (okay afternoon because you are usually still pissed as a fart and loving life up until then) reality kicks in and you remember, we'll sort of remember, all the dumb shit you said and did and your world is officially over.

Yeah you pretty much should just set sail and live alone on a boat in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle and make new friends out of objects like the nutter in Castaway. Tom Hanks was happy with Wilson. Wilson never judged. Wilson never reminded him of the time he got too excited after the 5th tequila slammer and started trying to sexy dance with a pillar. Wilson never gave him that disappointed look when he had lost his wallet for the 100th time. And Wilson certainly didn't take to Facebook to post on his wall...'Aw man the state of you last night LOL' (by the way you kind of people are bar far the worlds biggest dicks).

So my advice to you is when you suffer from the fear, run away from it, hide and never come out. Not even for cake.

Okay no I am joking. The reason I wanted to write about having the fear is because I suffered from it after last weekend. Yes the fitness enthusiast and health freak does still get drunk now and again and when I do get drunk it is always...interesting.

Put it this way, I bet you have read this post and stopped for a minute at least three times and thought 'this chick is a weirdo' and if you read my older posts again, you will see that this label is fitting. Picture this weirdness and times it by 50 and that is what I am like when I am just tipsy. Now accompany that image with a free bar and you will now realise why I had the fear, and boy was it a good one. Now I can honestly say that before I got to Australia, in fact before I decided to join a Netball team in Australia, I had pretty much packed in drinking. I would have a beer or two but that was about it and my white girl wasted days were over. Or so I thought. This weekend reminded me of just how mentally draining having the fear after a night out is.

Like most I always blow things out of proportion. I am a worrier and I stress myself out when there is no need to be stressed out. The night ended with me and Rustin getting a kebab, coming home and howling at the fact he was wearing a pink knitted jumper that magically appeared from no where and we were in bed by 2am. So I couldn't of been that bad...surely.

But God then it happens. It hits you like a frying pan to the face...

 'a person who was sober last night and thinks it will be the most funniest thing EVER even when its not has tagged you in a photo'.

FUCK.

Who is this person!? When did I talk to this person!? UNTAG UNTAG UNTAG!!!!!!!

And then it just goes tits up from there. I don't know if anybody else does this but when I have a mind blank from a night out I make up situations in my mind and convince myself that they are true. For example, the whole day on Sunday I was positive that I got on to the roof and started yelling 'I AM A GOLDEN GOD' to a cheering crowd and I believed it for about 4 hours. I then remembered that it wasn't me but Russell in Almost Famous. What a lad.

Why am I writing this post? Like most of them I have no idea why. I just think now, mid week and fearless after discovering that I did nothing apart from dance a bit strange (I need to apologise to that pillar) I can give my proper advice as to how to deal and avoid having the fear...

 Punch anyone in the face that posts about it on your Facebook wall.

Always ask the pillars permission BEFORE you start dancing.

And since this is a health, fitness and LIFESTYLES blog I will also advice that come Monday, get back on the green juice and sweat out all that booze and bad choices you made. A night on the sauce now and again doesn't make you a failure to the health world. It makes you HUMAN! Stress less and have fun and use that fear as motivation. You run from that fear, you run fast and you keep running! 

Why I Love Coffee.....

Today I feel that I am finally ready to face my demons. Today is the day I hold my hands up and take responsibility for my actions....

Hi everyone my name is Natalie Morgan and I am alcoholic.

Fuck I mean a coffee addict. Not an alcoholic. Well, sometimes, over the Easter and Christmas period it is questionable.

But yes I am a coffee addict. To me, it is like a drug and I am finally ready to let the world know that I am a 5 a day cupper.


Believe it or not I used to hate coffee and think that is tasted of poison. Not that I have ever drank poison but the way it affected Joffery Baratheon in Games of Thrones pretty much sums up my reaction when I first tried it. Mum wasn't impressed when I pretended to be dead for 2 minutes.

However after years of proclaiming my hate for it, I gradually started to come around. This was because at the age of 21, I was fed up of ordering a Fruit Shoot every time me and my pals went out for 'civilised afternoon coffee catch ups', I remember the day so clearly. I  bravely ordered my mocha (with extra chocolate, marshmallows & whipped cream obvs) and after one, wary sip, I was hooked. My new addiction for mochas in my eyes was justified. Mochas had everything I needed in life. Caffeine, sugar as well as acting as a hand warmer during Scottish winter, (basically everyday) so what was not to love?

I then spent a summer in America working in a camp with no Starbucks or Costa Coffee to be seen. This is when I tried my first ever black coffee, Coffee with no milk or sugar? Surely this was the drink of the devil?

My first cup was horrific. I swore never again would I ever have a black coffee, Then the long days working with children and teaching classes caught up on me and I caved, At first our relationship was volatile, some days it was strong, some days it was weak (see what I did there?) but I persevered and now I am officially a lover of black coffee, no milk, no sugar just straight out the pot,

I know, I know, I am a fearless bastard.

My coffee journey has been one of extreme changes. From an anti-espresso clueless fool to a caffeine, sugar hungry manic and finally a chick people know not to mess with in the morning (black coffee lovers are the most vicious). Am I ready to cut down or give it up? Hell know. Will I ever be ready? NEVER! And here are my reasons why......

1. It tastes good. Yes it really really does.
2. It will never judge you after the night before, just help you feel better about life.
3. It sort of acts like a hobby when you are bored. For example, when your train isn't for another 15 minutes, you go get coffee or when you realise that you haven't left the couch all day, you can walk to the kettle and make yourself multiple coffees throughout the day to get those steps in.
4. It helps as both a distraction and gesture of good will during awkward moments....'my cat just died' 'awk love, let me make you a wee brew whilst I think of my overly dramatic speech to help cheer you up'
5. It helps you poo. Who doesn't love to poo?
6. It has actually been scientifically proven to be GOOD for you. No shit, Google that.
7. It can be used as a weapon when you are really pissed off....

8. It gives you an excuse to take breaks from life.
9. Black coffee has next to 0 calories. Winner winner chicken dinner.
10. It helps you poo. Sorry but this is in my eyes the best thing about coffee.

Can you guys tell that I have been house bound and not been working for the past few days?

Until next time when I think of another totally random thing to write about. It is currently between my odd socks and  my four colour pen.

Ps here is the coffee that I have been drinking. 

It is coming in to winter here in Australia and this is stuff has been my saviour. Moccona is my instant coffee of choice and with so many infused flavours it's a winner! It's also pretty dam cheap. Give it a try folks! 

BBQ's, Beer, Nutella & Penis Straws....

Hello Everyone and Happy Easter!

I hope you all had a great time celebrating with your families and friends and got your fill of chocolate! I don't know if you all knew but Easter, Christmas and your birthday is the only time when calories do not count so aye, go nuts!

I for one have and I have enjoyed a few beers, a few (hundred) spoonfuls of nutella and cream eggs as well as a couple of lazy days. I was going to actually work out today but opted for tea and chocolate in bed instead. It is still the holidays after all! See I am human!

We celebrated my best friends birthday on Saturday whilst sipping on penis straws (so mature) and we ended up pissed in Doms like I said we would. However sadly this time I never made it on to the podium, our friend Gary bet me to it. On Easter Sunday I went camping up the river with my boyfriend and his family. We toasted marshmallows by the fire, I shat in a hole in the ground, I wrestled a snake, Rustin caught fish out the river using only his teeth and we slept in a tree. Okay only two of them are true but I will just leave it to you all to guess which ones.

It has been amazing having time off to relax and I don't even feel guilty for over indulging and slacking off. It doesn't happen very often and sometimes it is good to give your mind and body a break. As off tomorrow it is back on the clean eating train and I am going to really push myself in my workouts before we head to Bali in 7 weeks! And also so I will be ready for the next time I have to wrestle a god dam snake.

I know it can be difficult after the holidays to get your ass out of bed and the thought of burpees, weights and that commute to work makes you want to choke on your leftover Easter Sunday roast but it has to be done and the first step is always the hardest.

In order to stay on track before our holiday I have made my workout countdown...

Yes I know it is a bit extreme but putting this up on my wall and writing up dates, goals and what I want to accomplish really helps me stay on track. Yeah so it looks like something a 5 year old would produce but it helped me stick to our no sugar challenge as it was there for everyone to see and who wants people to see that they have failed?

I also have bought my weekly food shop, I have written up my workouts for the week in my log book and I have prepared all my meals for work tomorrow as well as set out my uniform. Preparations is key and it really does make it a lot easier and helps encourage you to stay on track.

You might have a daft way of maintaining your motivation like my wall art and I would encourage you to do whatever it takes to do so, be it writing it down, recording a video diary or counting sheep doing tuck jumps over a fence to help you fall asleep. Anything at all that will help YOU achieve YOUR goals. Yes people might think you are crazy and you know what, you probably are but you will be the one laughing when you are wearing that snake around your waist like a WWF championship belt.

In order to make sure that your week is a success I recommend making a note of what you want to achieve, how and why you want to achieve it and prepare yourself so you can do it and always stay positive.

Aye so maybe it is a bit but it is the bloody truth!

Yes it sucks that the holidays are over but it is also great that you can get back to achieving your goals and upping the intensity after a well deserved break.

Embrace the week ahead and consume all that Easter chocolate so there are no temptations! 

Have a good one!