Warning, This Gets Aggressive...
So, what is the worst thing a man could ever say to a woman? Easy question you think? I mean it most definitely has to be one of these:
1. 'Sorry love, but your arse does look big in those jeans...and not in a good way'
2. 'Sorry love, but you might not want to go in to the bathroom for a few minutes'
3. 'Sorry love, but I ate the last of the ice cream'.
Although these are all extremely severe statements that would cause absolute chaos, I can now tell you that all of these are wrong (okay the ice cream one comes a very very close second). The worst thing that I believe a man could ever, ever say to a women is:
'Babe, I will love you know matter what'
Yeah, I know... I can see you reading this now yelling at your screen:
'WHAT? ARE YOU NUTS!?',
'I would love it if a guy said that to me'
'That is so cute and romantic, how ungrateful?'
'That is like something out of a movie that makes all of us hate our men for not being as much of romantic twat as Ryan Gosling. Why wouldn't you want that!?'
Blah blah blah, shite.
The reason I think this is the worst thing a man could say to a women? Because, if you are like me, you take this very, very literally.
Don't get me wrong I work out a fair amount and I do eat well (most of the time) but the other night I found my self devouring a whole packet of McVities Caramel Digestive biscuits (they are honestly a gift from God himself) as well as a full box of crunchy nut clusters in the space of a couple of hours. I then made the mistake of reading the box and discovered that it is supposed to provide a total of ten servings. My reaction went something like this:
Stage One - First Thought:
'Ten servings? Surely not? That does not say ten. Nah, definitely not....like, really?'
Stage Two -The Realisation:
'Oh My God. Yes Natalie. Really. Ten servings.'
Stage Three - The Meltdown:
'TEN SERVINGS!? Are you serious!? You mean I have just eaten a breakfast equivalent to a family of TEN human beings!? And not even for breakfast, for lunch!?'
Stage Four - The Excuse & The Hunt:
'Awk well it's okay because my boyfriend loves me no matter what anyway. Now, where did I put that bag of Doritos?'
And there it is. The reason that those sweet lines are actually poison. Do you know it has been proven that in the first year of a new relationship women put on an average of 7lbs and men LOSE 4lbs? (I read this in the Daily Mail so obviously it is a true fact). I honestly believe that this is the case because of that 'loving' statement that boyfriends tell you in hopes of coming across all sensitive and sweet.
Well they are not being sensitive or sweet. In fact, I think all men should just shut up and bugger off with their protein shakes and celery sticks and let all us women eat our 7th chocolate brownie in peace!
A few days later.....
Wow. Cage the absolute psycho that is myself and throw away the key. If you couldn't already tell, I was having a 'fat day' when I wrote that. My boyfriend was over from Australia and I hadn't seen him since November so we spent ten days drinking, eating and lazing about and the end result was me crying into another tub of Ben and Jerry's feeling like a big sloth and naturally blaming him because I am a crazy bitch and he is a male. I know all you ladies out there are no strangers to 'fat days' and although you know deep down you probably haven't changed much- if at all- when you have eaten and drank to excess you do feel, to put it bluntly, like jobby (Scottish word and a personal fave - google it).
So once I put the biscuits down (i.e. when they were wrestled out of my hands whilst I collapsed in a heap of sobs) I decided I would try out this 'cleansing' malarky. You know the idea of juicing that all the z-list celebs go on about? So for the three days I drank 4 smoothies a day. Here is the exact '3 day cleanse' I followed:
I have always been interested in the idea of juicing but the thought of drinking celery actually made me want to dive into the middle of a young team street battle (and still does because celery is VILE and should be removed from the face of the earth) but I felt that before I set off on my travels would be the best time to give it a go. My verdict? Honestly, I really enjoyed it. Okay the celery smoothie was rancid and I swore a fair amount when drinking it but because the ingredients of the smoothies were pretty substantial and filling I didn't feel all that hungry. I had a few day dreams of double cheese pizzas and chocolate cakes but that was about it (those day dreams are a pretty normal daily occurrence for me anyway). It was reasonably cheap as well. All of the ingredients listed cost me just over £20 from Tesco and I even had some things left over that I can use (apart from the celery, I burned that and buried the remains in the back garden). Also, now that I feel more energised, healthy and less like a 'big fat disaster', I take back (some) of my previous rant. If your man says those words to you give him a hug and a kiss instead of a punch in the face.
I am now back on my normal 'diet' of just eating healthy. Many believe in 'cleansing' twice or three times a year and I will probably do it again and I would recommend it. I feel a lot less bloated and sluggish and it has motivated me to stay on track and give the middle finger to the jar of Nutella in the cupboard, for now anyway.
However be warned, the preparation part does leave your kitchen an absolute riot...
Sorry mum.
Exercise
During my 3 day cleanse I didn't exercise as intensely as I usually do. I used this time to condition my body and give it a break from all the running, plyometrics and weight bearing workouts I usually do and stuck to low impact routines. I did a few body weight exercises plus yoga and pilates and it was actually quite nice to have a 'break' and relax. Come Monday I was back to my regular workouts and it actually made me more motivated to beast the gym.
Here is the routine I did on Monday and I was absolutely gubbed!
Two circuits (lower body & upper body)
- 4 sets of each
- 12 reps
- 45 second of active recovery between each set e.g burpees, high knees, skipping, the hand jive etc.
Then finish with some abs!
I would love to hear all your thoughts on 'fat days', juicing and cleansing and about any personal experiences if you have ever juiced yourself!
Have a lovely day everyone 
PS - I am also trying out some of BooTea's products with this 14-28 day 'teatox'! I have heard great things so thought I would give it a try. I will post my review when I am at my half way point, watch this space!
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