Hey folks!
So I thought I would write a post about some of my
beauty tricks that I will be using in order to remain 'a wee spicy' (in other
words, a well presented young lady) when travelling. Be prepared with a pen and
paper to take note ladies, this information is like gold dust.
Section One - The Hair
Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you the one
and the only 'Junkie Bun'.
Ah
the junkie bun. A 'style' that has become a staple for most Scottish lassies
and probably for a lot of females across the globe; they just don't call it
that. Instead, they refer to it as 'a greasy unbrushed riot that must only be
worn at home where no other person, creature or living, breathing thing may
see'. Burds like me, however, are just brave enough to wear it in public. Most
of us try to mask it with the whole 'I was going for the effortless ‘I just
rolled out of bed’ look' but in reality, most of us really have just woken up, had
a slut wash in the sink (face and armpits) and our hairbrush is still lying on
the floor in the local nightclub toilet. We tried to be just like Disney
Princess Ariel and comb our locks with a fork but that turned out to be an
absolute farce- along with the idea of leaving your window open so the birds
can help dress you for work (don't do it, you will be late). Anyway, if you are
still confused as to what the earth I am referring to, here is a an actual real
life example of this so called 'junkie bun';
And there it is. In all its glory. It is a look
that screams 'I am a confident independent women who will punch you in the
jugular if you make a comment'. It is probably quite offensive to call it a
junkie bun. According to the urban dictionary, a junkie is 'a hardcore alcoholic,
drug addict or a bum'. Used in a sentence: 'At the subway station there were
some piss-reeking junkies around'… In their defence, I think they at
least make some effort with a little bic hair gel.
Personally, it is my hair style every day. And I
mean every day. In fact, the only
time I don't wear my junkie bun is if I am heading somewhere that I may bump in
to Channing Tatum (it will happen). It is quick, easy and as a fitness
instructor I feel that it suits me just perfectly, (that’s my excuse for being
a lazy arsehole anyway).
Section Two - Make Up
I will admit it. When it comes to beauty I am
extremely lazy. I always have been. Exhibit A is my hair style of choice and
Exhibit B is my make-up bag;
Honestly that is it. Well not honestly because that
isn't even my make-up bag. It's an old one I found in the bathroom. The truth
is, I don't actually own any make up, I would love to sit and give you my
'hints and tips for looking good whilst working out and hiking up a mountain'
but I can't because I always look like a burst couch. Don't get me wrong, when
I go out with friends I do wear make-up, I am just lucky to have a Mum and two sisters
that don't mind letting me borrow their lippy or blusher for a night out (or I
just steal them and put them back before they notice, soz). Being at camp for
summer definitely changed me in the sense that I don't care as much about how I
look on a day to day basis. A wee bit of mascara so your eyes don't look like
two piss holes in the snow and you’re good to go.
Section Three - Beauty Products
Again, this is quite a simple routine to follow.
Look around the bathroom and find anything that says 'jasmine & silk' or
'mint & rosemary' and slap it on. Actually wait, is rosemary a herb? Anyway,
the point is I don't use any particular moisturisers, face wash, shampoo,
perfume, anything- whatever is kicking about is good enough for me.
Some advice I can give (I guess) is maybe just take
advantage of any shower possible? Rub exotic flowers on to your neck and pits
if you have ran out of deodorant? Oh and always, always pack a spare
toothbrush. Having braces for four years has made me a bit obsessed with my
teeth; if I dropped my floss off the side of the boat on the trip
between Koh Samui and Ko Phangan I would probably have to dive in and get
it. Or belly flop, whatever.
For the most part of my life, I have been a tomboy.
Up until about the age of five I would wear fake plastic heels and put a towel
over my head and I honestly believed that everyone would think it was my real
hair. What, you never see a chick with a white cotton weave before!? Then I just
changed. I joined the YAC football team, I refused to wear dresses or the
colour pink and I carried my Lita and Hardy Boys lunch box to school with sheer
pride. I like looking at beauty products, other girls false nails and pinching
a spray of their perfume but I have never been one for spending a fortune on
beauty products or regimes. I would rather a new pair of trainers or a pic ‘n’
mix. Apart from the spare tooth brush and exotic flower tip (which I think is
very innovative actually, unless you come out in a rash then that shit is on
you) I would just say embrace it. Embrace being a true 'backie' and smelling a
bit odd, having the same clothes on for the 5th day running and
wear your junkie bun like a badge of honour. Separate yourself from all
the glitz and glamour and just embrace your natural beauty. Who knows, you may
actually like what you see in the mirror (or the reflection off the tin foil
wrapper of your In & Out burger).
Oh and one more tip, don't use your Lita and Hardy boys lunchbox outdoors, jealously does horrible things to people.
Section Four - The Hot Bod
Anyway, moving on to some exercise and fitness
chat. As you all know yesterday was Easter Sunday and I remained committed to the
cause and ate my weight in chocolate. A full egg plus all its extras, a whole Terry's
chocolate orange, a family bag of chocolate buttons, M&Ms, two cadburys mini rolls, and a freddo to be exact (I know I deserve some kind of trophy or something for being such a Easter faithful). I thought I would put the sugar high to good use and get out in
the glorious weather. I headed to the park and did 12 x 100m sprints and then
used a bench to do a full body HIT workout;
- Bench jumps
- Push ups
- Bench toe taps
- Tricep dips
- Lunge drive throughs
- Bulgarian lunges
45 seconds on each with 15 seconds rest between
each exercise repeated 4 times.
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