The Mind Of A Factory Girl....

Okay,so I have this new job. I have just started a week ago and it's...well...lets say...a cultural experience? Yeah we will go with that. A cultural experience. It makes it sound exciting and interesting and if I was to say to people 'oh yes I work in a position that allows me to gain a lot of cultural experience' they will think I am training kangaroos to surf or something.

My job falls under the category of 'Cultural Experience'.

Posh as balancing a book on your head and drinking a Pimms eh?

Truth be told, the only thing I am balancing on my head is a hair net.

Right fine okay, I work in a dried fruit factory. I stand by a conveyor belt with thousands of sultanas passing me and I pick out the ones that are A. clumped together B. still have stalks in them and C. look like they have had one too many Pimms. I do this for 8 hours a day. Yes, 8 hours.

So it isn't glamorous. I wear a hair net, gloves, a long white coat and big boots and my hands get really sticky and I sometimes get motion sickness looking at the belt but it IS a cultural experience non the less. Shut up it is alright!?

SO why did I take this job? Well firstly I need to do regional work in order to apply for my second year visa and I also wanted to do something that wasn't being a waitress, or shouting at people to give me another 10 burpees. I wanted a change. I wanted something new and bloody hell, to me this is new.

I am guessing that many factory jobs are the same in the sense that when the machines are on attempting to speak to anyone is pretty much pointless. The best way of communicating is by lobing a handful of sultanas at somebodies face and at that it is just to signal that you are going for a shit. Now I quite like my own company and enjoy a bit of 'me time' but having time to think and be silent for near enough 8 hours a day has me worried. Will I eventually run out of thoughts? Will I have to start counting the number of sultanas on the belt? And the number I have taken off the belt? Should I write this down and make a mental pie chart to pass the time?

Well so far, after only a week I have planned a lot of my life out. Even the colour scheme if the downstairs bathroom of my first home that I will buy....in twenty years time. Here is a brief summary of the some of the random thoughts of Natalie Morgan -  The Factory Girl...

1. Wow it smells in like a bowl of Jordans granola in here, I want a bowl of Jordans Gronola.

2. Is that noise meant to be coming from that thingy majig next to the whatcha ma call it?

3. What is my favourite type of Jordans granola?

4. It feels nice just running my hands through these sultanas. Maybe nobody will notice if I just do that.

5. Fuck she has noticed.

6. Okay I have decided,  strawberry Jordans granola is definitely the best.

7. I wonder if this hair net makes my head look like an egg.

8. Do we really have to stand all day whilst doing this? Could we at least get a yoga break or something?

9. I wonder if the other ladies do yoga?

10. I wonder if they run?

11. I wonder if they would be faster than me at running?

12. Okay need to organise a race at lunch time, start a leader board. Maybe make it more interesting by making it an egg and spoon race.

My co-workers and I lining up for the egg and spoon race. 

13. Well Jordans honey granola is good as well actually.

14. I wonder where I will be in 5 years time?

15. Is she looking at me because my head looks like an egg?

16. Okay the smell is getting a bit too much now.

17. I wonder if I will still be alive in 5 years time? What if I get my sleeve caught in the thing ma jig or the whatcha ma call it and it sucks me in and I die? And I am not here in 5 years time? I suppose then I won't need to worry about where I will be in 5 years time.

18. Wow that wumen's heed looks like an egg.

19. I really need a poo.

20.  Does this white coat make me look chunky?

21. This coat would be amazing on a fat day.

22. It's Thursday which means one more day and its the weekend! I finally know what this 'Friday Feeling' is and fucking hell its amazing.

23. Wow the smell in here is starting to make my eyes water.

24. I wonder if sultanas have feelings?

25. Did I really just think that? Am I officially going insane?

26. Wow how big do my feet look in these boots!?

27. 'Working 9 till 5 what a way to make a living!'

28. Shit its only 9.05am.

29. I really, really need a poo.

30. I am never eating a bowl of Jordans granola again.


So apart from the likelihood of going crazy due to my own thoughts, I am actually enjoying my new position, Instead of putting on a smiling face 24/7 and talking to everyone and there Granny about the weather whilst mucking up their order I can just stand, ponder and whisper to the sultanas, reassuring them that they are safe so I don't hurt their feelings.

Ayep, definitely gone insane.